I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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