Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She needs sedatives and a leash
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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