I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
