Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
