It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
