I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
