I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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