just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
