You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize