Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
