I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
