Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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