it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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