i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
