my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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