guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I deserve this hangover.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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