hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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