I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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