Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
