"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
