sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
