Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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