You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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