OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
