Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
