Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
