was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
