Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
