This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
