I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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