Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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