its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
