I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
