forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize