so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
