I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
