I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
