i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
