I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
