hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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