I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize