I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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