her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
