I wanna bring you to show and tell
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
