remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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