Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
