My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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