Kareoke will never be a sober sport
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
