In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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