I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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