I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
