I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
