She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
