Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
