i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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