is wine microwaveable?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
