whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
