Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
