I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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