I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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