spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
