For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
