apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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