i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
