wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
