I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
