dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
