My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
