I'm so fucking centered right now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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