I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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