Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
