My room smells like vodka and shame
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
