What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
