I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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