did you get engaged???
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
