Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
