at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
