Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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