Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
