I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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