We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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