Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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