I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
