Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
